God trumps all

Manipulation

It’s use by modern day church leadership

Manipulation is witchcraft

This was one of the first things I was taught as a teenager

Never even knew what it meant

Until i started to develop, spiritual gifts

No one tells you they won’t like you when you start

manifesting the spiritual gifts

The competition is just a beast.

You know when churchy, religious people… ughrrr

…think they can make you do what they want

I am so not interested in the church scene

In fact, they disgust me.

Their manipulations make them look weak

They don’t know how to wait for God

All I know is that I am not going to be anyone’s puppet

Not again

My life has never mattered to them apart from how they can use me

I am done being used by men

The conversations I have heard…

How God got me through

How I am not depressed drives them crazy

But I am not

If I listened to them, I probably would be

But I don’t listen to poison anymore

and I feel pity for those that do

I want to be used by God

It seems like such a contradiction with all my soliloquy

I can say I am going to make it hard for them

But I won’t

I am going to do me in a big way that does not include any of them

Some idiot called me telling me that they had no father or mother

that did I have any money?

As if money is physical

Money is spiritual, and I have it in excess

In a way none of them have never had it

To have money and have the approval and protection of God along with it

What can be better than that?

They will always be following me and grasping at straws

while I will produce money everywhere I go

Because it is God who produces it

I simply ask my Father.

Something they can not imagine doing

because it seems alien to them

And they live by this world

Instead of living by the kingdom

Through my life, God will demonstrate to them

the manifold wisdom of God

I just get to see the movie on the front row

Glad to be on this wonderful adventure with God.

 

I know what they want too

How they long to lay hands on people and God respond!

How they long to pray and get an answer from God

 

If they really wanted it

They would move the hand of God

They don’t

 

All they want is organized religions so

they can charge people for healings

 

I don’t know why they don’t look in the mirror

Perhaps transformation could still happen for them

If they look in the mirror of God’s word

 

But they won’t

Cos you see

They despise the Holy Spirit

Grieve Him

Do things in a way that’s not His

But expect Him to come when they call

 

I have no answers for them

All they need is in the word

If they seek, they will find

 

They are going to have to do the work themselves

I can’t even lead them to answers

If the Holy Ghost doesn’t lead them

 

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Trusting God…

I just feel that my younger sister hates me
It shouldn’t bother me but when it comes to family, I am a middle child and I want to get along with the older ones and the younger ones.

I am at my wits end but will keep praying. I have my own unresolved issues, so I can see clearly where her insecurities are coming from.

She hates to be dependent on me. She dislikes authority and finds it hard cooperating with authority. Those are traits she must work on if she is to be successful about anything that matters.

I am praying purposefully now.

I think I learned to pray in a bad way. Some lady tells me that you should not pray for people without permission. I am learning to mind my business and just be about my own thing. If you don’t have permission, leave people the hell alone.

So the only people I can pray for now are family and the nations. I still have a group where I pray for people who ask for prayer. I guess that is some sort of permission.

Arguments wear me out. I plan to cut off any need to argue with my sister. She will still fight when she gets the chance but she will get less chances to pick fights with me.

Life is pretty difficult when you care.

Mom called me exactly a week before she passed, we talked for a long time, it was my brother’s birthday. She was sort of passing the baton to me. I took it on by the grace of God. He has carried me these past two years and I am grateful. I have written my plans down year after year but my siblings refuse to plan. They say I want to see their plan so I can copy it.

I call it ridiculous

To them I bet their fears seem valid. I am trying to lead them right and I seem to be failing but I am not giving up.

Everywhere I turn I meet a resistance and I just want to help. They don’t know how to surrender. It is difficult to lead a horse who doesn’t want to surrender. I have no idea why they refuse to trust me.

You might say they have a valid reason in not trusting me. Valid reason or not, this is Nigeria where they sell other people’s kidneys, collect people’s pant at gun point, use family members and significant others for rituals, this is Africa. The gospel has come but I don’t know if our conduct displays it. They have to trust me more than they trust strangers. They have to trust the decisions I make for them.

I started praying about unity in the family and today it seems as if nothing changed but I believe that the change is already happening. Holy Spirit, help me.

Been a while…

Praise!

What I say to the One who owns me

When I feel good or feel bad, it doesn’t matter, I always want to praise Him

I am always in His presence, when I sing and when I don’t

I am always conscious of the One who keeps me in His mind daily. I know Him intimately and I am grateful that I do. He is my hiding place, my refuge and my fortress, my strong tower, healer, keeper, sustainer, my ever present help

Praise is my love language to my Yahweh. There is nothing like ministering to the One who loves me perfectly all of the time and not what He is looking to gain. He watches over me always even when I am unaware, He handles my tomorrow. I am never caught unawares because He knows tomorrow and He shows me the things to come.

What is praise?

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Praise is a weapon. Let it be like breathing to you, not a chore

God is faithful

God has been faithful

As usual, on earth, so many critical voices

As if they do not think

They argue about things that are of no value eternally

In heaven, glory, heaven is glad

I stay holding onto my Father’s hands

I have been hearing so many messages, some encouraging, some just information

It might turn out to be useful

Current book: one by Kim Clement titled, i forget

It is a story of his life in the 70s

It mirrors my time because not much has changed about humans

But God is still faithful and I know more about my call this year than last

Stockpiling materials but have not visited the prisons yet

How do I tell people to mind their business, please?

Being too slow or being in a hurry is not too good

I have seen the excited before, I know they don’t have the stamina nor weight to carry what I am equipped to carry only because it is His hands that do the carrying

I simply stand as a representative

The idea of who I am is more exciting than the reality

Only the Holy Ghost can prepare one

I don’t let them close because I know the weaknesses of human beings

When they feel the glory, they feel invincible

When they consider my situation, outside of God’s presence, they are terrified

I feel fear, I feel bravery

I feel anything that is in the room

I can feel the faith,

and sometimes the frisson of fear that runs through the room

I just open my mouth sing and dispel it

I have many offended with me because I know I can sing and dispel fear

What I really do is lend my mouth to the Lord so that when the words comes out

No matter how shaky my voice sounds, He is the one singing*

This is easier to preach for then it is an idea

The actuality is something that offends because they think God passed them over

He didn’t.

It is meant for every child of God but few step out in faith

and the degree of persecution that follows believing that God does what is says is too hard to bear for some.

I took the persecution bit by bit until I learned to depend on the Holy Ghost so it can’t happen in a day

Everyday I wonder how ‘he’ will deal with it, if he can cope, if he can increase capacity, if he can believe God like I do, else it would be as good as both of us living on different planets.

I don’t know if he believes.

I have told God that if he doesn’t believe, then I won’t be angry.

It took me a while to get to where I am today

Best song at this moment:

 

I won’t hide who I am

I can’t deny what He has done in me and through me and for me

I am sad about the days I didn’t hear God on time because I wanted to believe that people were more than they actually were.

Holy Ghost, increase my discernment!