Trusting God…

I just feel that my younger sister hates me
It shouldn’t bother me but when it comes to family, I am a middle child and I want to get along with the older ones and the younger ones.

I am at my wits end but will keep praying. I have my own unresolved issues, so I can see clearly where her insecurities are coming from.

She hates to be dependent on me. She dislikes authority and finds it hard cooperating with authority. Those are traits she must work on if she is to be successful about anything that matters.

I am praying purposefully now.

I think I learned to pray in a bad way. Some lady tells me that you should not pray for people without permission. I am learning to mind my business and just be about my own thing. If you don’t have permission, leave people the hell alone.

So the only people I can pray for now are family and the nations. I still have a group where I pray for people who ask for prayer. I guess that is some sort of permission.

Arguments wear me out. I plan to cut off any need to argue with my sister. She will still fight when she gets the chance but she will get less chances to pick fights with me.

Life is pretty difficult when you care.

Mom called me exactly a week before she passed, we talked for a long time, it was my brother’s birthday. She was sort of passing the baton to me. I took it on by the grace of God. He has carried me these past two years and I am grateful. I have written my plans down year after year but my siblings refuse to plan. They say I want to see their plan so I can copy it.

I call it ridiculous

To them I bet their fears seem valid. I am trying to lead them right and I seem to be failing but I am not giving up.

Everywhere I turn I meet a resistance and I just want to help. They don’t know how to surrender. It is difficult to lead a horse who doesn’t want to surrender. I have no idea why they refuse to trust me.

You might say they have a valid reason in not trusting me. Valid reason or not, this is Nigeria where they sell other people’s kidneys, collect people’s pant at gun point, use family members and significant others for rituals, this is Africa. The gospel has come but I don’t know if our conduct displays it. They have to trust me more than they trust strangers. They have to trust the decisions I make for them.

I started praying about unity in the family and today it seems as if nothing changed but I believe that the change is already happening. Holy Spirit, help me.


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